Breastfeeding - Natural but not easy

If you couldn't tell already from your Facebook feed it is breastfeeding week. Now to all the momma's out there you do what is right for you and your baby.

Many momma's I know have tried to breastfeed and it just does not work for them. That really does happen. I know some people out there believe well you just didn't try hard enough, you wont hear that from me.

I believe as long as baby is healthy, happy, loved, and growing that is all that matters in the end. But for those still fighting the fight to breastfeed I understand your pain.

I always, ALWAYS, wanted to breastfeed since I was a teenager. Yes I thought about those things at a young age, I'm weird, its ok :). But I'm a buxom lady, always have been. I always thought God gave me big boobs for a reason, might as well use them for their intended purpose. Sorry guys they are not for you to just look at.

(7 days old)



So like any good first time pregnant momma-to-be I took my classes to get ready for baby. One of those being the breastfeeding class. All they talked about was how natural it is to breastfeed, along with the different ways to hold a baby to ensure the best latch, what a proper latch should look like, and how it is a beautiful experience.

What they did not say is that its hard to breastfeed.

I'm sure somewhere out there is a magical breastfeeding "unicorn" experience. Where the latch was perfect in the first 24hrs and that momma had more than enough milk for her little ones needs, not to mention for a back stock. This magically breastfeeding "unicorn" momma also has never had clogged milk ducts, this was not my story.

Now I guess I had it coming, I did have the "unicorn" pregnancy, I wore heels most of my pregnancy, was able to keep up my workouts while my belly kept growing. Heck I was still hiking at 28 weeks. I also have the "unicorn" sleeping baby. Disclosure: Sleep deprived moms do not read the next section. Lilly at 2.5 weeks started sleeping 5 solid hours at night, and from 3 weeks on she hss slept a minimum of 7 hours straight outside of growth spurt transitions. She also loves her naps.

So I was due to have something be difficult, because learning to be a momma, everything to one little being isn't hard enough. Breastfeeding has been my biggest struggle as a new mother.

First off Lilly had dropped weight in the couple days after she was born by 10%. By her first appointment 4 days later she had dropped 15% total weight from birth but my milk had just come in so the doctors were waiting before really forcing formula. They wanted us to come back in that Friday. When we got home I looked at Lilly and said, "look little girl we are going to put 8 ounces on you by Friday". By golly come Friday she was up 8 ounces, I was so excited the doctors were to. The excitement was short lived.

(8 days old)

At 3 weeks old Lilly out grew my supply. It wasn't for just a few days as my body adjusted to her new demands, it lasted another month and a half. It broke my heart every time I had to give her formula. I did everything I could to get my supply up. I went to lactation specialists and they said I was doing everything I could. Oatmeal twice a day, Guinness, fenugreek/blessed thistle, hand expressing while nursing, brewers yeast, pumping after every feed, taking prenatal vitamins, and getting up in the middle of the night to pump for extra stimulation. My daughter had a perfect latch and suction, it was my body that was not catching up.

Wanting something so bad and not having it go as planned is horrible but feeling as though your body is failing your child is heart wrenching.

(Nursing Lilly in Aerie's at 6 weeks)

That went on for a month and a half, that entire time we had to supplement with formula. Then I started on Domperidone, it increases prolactin levels, and I also started using essential oil blend my military momma Sheri made for me.

(3 months)

Finally my milk was getting better. We stopped using formula and I was able to build a back stock for emergency. It was starting to look great for our breastfeeding future but then life happened.

I had to get my wisdom teeth removed. I had three total removed. At the time I thankfully had over 40 ounces of pumped breast milk. I figured that would be enough. As soon as I got home from surgery I nursed my daughter (approved by pediatrician) but with the stress of the surgery it was like starting from ground zero again.

My supply dropped quickly. Even with nursing her on demand we went through 40 ounces of supplemented milk. It took another solid month before my supply was back up to the point where I did not need to pump anymore.

To this day we still struggle especially during growth spurt transitions. My body just seems to have a hard time keeping up with her demanding cues. I have to constantly do everything right. I have not hand anything with mint in it since she was 3 weeks old (mint reduces milk supply). I still eat oatmeal everyday, use essential oils everyday, drink more water than I thought possible, take prenatal vitamins, and I have to remind my self to breathe through her fussiness.

Breastfeeding has been the hardest part for me as a new momma but I would not trade it. So for you moms out there still fighting to breastfeed it took me 3 months for it to be good. So keep going it will get better. If it doesn't, give yourself some grace and keep breastfeeding what you are able. Even if you have to supplement with formula at least you are still breastfeeding and having that bonding time. I know its hard. Just keep trying. For those that breastfeeding just never happens, remember your love is enough.

To the spouses out there helping us moms keep up breastfeeding, THANK YOU. My husband has been my cheering squad. Without him and I am certain I would have given up along time ago. Thank you Billy for always encouraging me, bringing me water and food during feeds, and being the hug I needed after all the hard nursing sessions, THANK YOU!

The proof is in the baby. I'm am proud to say that at Lilly's 4 month appointment the doctors said she is 26" inches tall (90th percentile), has a bog ol' noggin at 16" (88th percentile), and weighed in at 14.96lbs going up 3 percentile in weight to 50th percentile.

My momma's heart is healed, my baby is happy and growing. I could not ask for more.

-Adrien

Being vulnerable & Pushing Through

I just finished taking photos for a fitness feature for my friend's blog, The Daring Dandelion. To be honest I was uncomfortable in my own skin.

Silly, I just posted pictures of my daughters birth. It's not like I could get any more vulnerable and exposed than that.

But for some reason I was feeling vulnerable. I felt exposed. I'm not sure what it is that made me so uncomfortable. I tried on all my workout clothes before I felt "good enough" in the outfit you see pictured.

Before heading out I took one last look in the mirror, stood up straight, smiled, and reminded myself that this body carried and gave birth to a beautiful little girl. So of course it's going to look different and there is nothing wrong with that.

I need to celebrate not condemn this body. I need to honor and rejoice what this body has done.

Adrien

The day I became a Mom! - My birth story

February 26th 2015

     Lets rewind to Saturday, February 21st. I woke up that morning and started having contractions. At this point in the pregnancy I was 41+ weeks along so I knew my baby could come any day. But Saturday was not that day. I had contractions that timed out to one every six minutes for 4hrs. They never increased intensity and never got closer in timing. But still we called my family that lived four hours out to make the drive to us because a lot could change in just a few hours. After my family arrived there was still no change, no increase or decrease in contractions. So we went walking and my contractions went down to one an hour.

     It was clear my child was not coming that day. That was the theme the following morning as well. So family drove back to their homes and we waited. That whole week I experienced contractions that would be 30 minutes to an hour apart but nothing happened. So I waited.

Waited......

And waited some more...

(No baby. Headed out for breakfast February 22nd)

     In case you are wondering I was actually very patient. I was not that first time mom-to-be who was paranoid for being "past due". I knew if I went over, I planned on going over, that my baby just needed more time. I also really trusted the prenatal care team I had to make sure that baby and I stayed healthy. So I waited some more. Then came Wednesday, February 25th. I had an appointment and went in knowing they were going to discuss inducing for the following week.

      Now don't get all crazy, this hospital was pro natural. Natural labor beginnings and inducing. Actually my midwife Laura knew I was set on letting this baby come when it dang well pleased. Even if that meant being monitored daily to make sure all was well in the belly. So we discussed and decided to move forward with a membrane sweep, really simple procedure.

      Within 15 minutes of being swept I started having contractions. I was so excited because I knew I could be holding my baby soon. So we did what any parents to be would do, we went to Target. Love me some Target. I bought some last minute baby things and it was a way to keep me walking. The contractions continued so we decided to head home order pizza for dinner because neither of us wanted to cook and make the kitchen dirty if this was in fact the real deal. Finished dinner and decided to go to bed and rest as much as I could before the show really got going.

     Contractions were getting pretty good after dinner so I decided to jump in the shower to relax my body and went to bed. Woke up at 1:00am, two to three hours later in labor. At this point there was no going back to sleep. Took my husband 30 minutes to wake up to me laboring.

     Hahahaha, my heavy breathing finally stirred him. I was super excited this is finally happening, "honey start the timer." My contractions were 7-9 minutes apart and required me to work through them.

Yay, real contractions.

     At 1:30am my water broke, that or I had peed the bed. I heard that could happen. Called and informed the hospital my water had broken. Now to labor at home as long as I could. We took all the classes so we would know different ways to help me through contractions. Different ways my husband could help. I did not want help. I was better on my own and as long as I had something stable to hold on to I was good to go. Sometimes that was my husband but most of the time it was the counter or bed.

     3 hours later, I am done laboring at home. I had always planned a water birth and at that point needed some flotation pain relief. The hubs called the hospital and informed them we were coming in. The ride there was one of the worst parts laboring. We put a pillow on the back seat for my knees and I held on to the back of the seat sitting on my knees the entire car ride to the hospital. All I wanted was to get in the birthing tub.

Checked in at 5:00am.

      Got checked in and then the actual worst part of labor happened. They made me lay down so they could monitor the baby and I. That part took like 2 hours at least it felt like it took that long. It was horrendous. I needed to stand or be in the tub. Laboring laying down was not working for me. Once they were done I asked the nurse if I could get in the tub as it filled. I needed the tub.

     During my check in they informed I was 5 cm along. Yay only 5 more to go. I could do it but I needed the tub. After checking the temp to make sure it was hot enough the nurse helped me in as it finished filling. Oh precious relief. I knew I could do this. By this I mean non medicated birth. My goal all along was a non medicated birth, and in the tub I knew I could that.

     Just as I was getting in the tub the rest of my support team arrived. My momma Robin and my two sisters, Ceilidh and Kimber. Perfect timing. For the next 2 or so hours my sister Kimber rubbed my back. My sister Ceilidh put different essential oils on my neck, face, and chest. My momma verbally encouraged me face to face and my husband constantly brought me water, let me know he was there. They were amazing and just what I needed.

(Mom Robin, sister Ceilidh)

(Sister Kimber)

(Daddy to be)

9:00am ish.

     I had reached a point where mentally I was getting tired. I was tired of going through contractions. I just wanted my baby. For the love, I had crazy pressure in my pelvic region. "Mom I need them to check me", "Mom I think Im done" I said over and over. "Just check me. I need a status check."

     The nurses asked me that famous question, "do you feel like pooping?". What the heck?! Ok I hate that question, never did I feel like pooping. Never! Not because I find that gross. Hey it happens. But no I did not feel like pooping. I just had a lot of pressure with each contraction. Finally a nurse checked me. I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. Yay almost there. I can do this.

I tried pushing for 10 minutes in the tub. I just could not figure it out in the water.





















      So I got out and they put my on a birthing bench to check the baby's position. Apparently baby was stuck at my pelvic bone, so on to the bed I went for what the nurse respectively called the dead beetle position.







     Exactly how it sounds. On your back feet in the air. It may not look pretty but it worked.

      At 9:43am my baby was born. They laid my baby on my tummy and my husband announced it was a girl!!!
     Yes, we were that crazy couple disciplined enough to not find out the gender till our baby was born and it was a girl. A girl! It was so worth waiting to find out.

     Once they were able to finally lay her on my chest, I relaxed. I finally, truly, exhaled. (In case you're wondering she had no complications, I just had a short umbilical cord.)

     I looked at my daughter and whispered, "Happy birthday Lilly, I love you".

(Skin to skin with daddy)

(My little thumb sucker)

(Those bright eyes)

(So much hair and daddys mini)

(First latch)

Lilly you are my dream come true. I pray I am always the momma you need.

-Adrien